You’re, essentially, looking at a new and improved Polycat.net at this very moment. If this thought frightens you to your very core, then I apologize, but I’m not moved. It’s more of a half-hearted apology akin to the one you’d give your best friend after he had just found out his girlfriend was cheating on him, while keeping the knowledge that you were the other guy to yourself all along. That’s the kind of apology we’re talking here.

So today is Tuesday. Also known as the day where me and my two super-duper cohorts — well, one cohort, and one pick-up guy who we just brought along to play bass in this metaphorical musical of … men? — are due to perform a skit in front of a class of eager, bright-eyed little freshmen in our Spanish 101 class. Let’s just ignore the fact that I’m a junior taking a pre-freshman class for a moment and focus on the far more important issue which hangs above my two amigos and myself: the fact that we have to perform a skit in front of people for what needs to last at least six minutes despite us only having enough material for three. Yes. It’s a pickle, I know. Thankfully you all have my inner saint to thank for uploading a copy of the Spanglish manuscript for your little budding eyes to peep all over. Notice my clever usage of Spanglish as a hint-hint-wink-wink-nudge-nudge to the fact that the script is a kind of abomination of Spanish, English, and Make-Believe all-in-one.

Yes, yes. I’m a talentless hack — I’m well aware of this fact.

It’s not often that I actually devote time and energy in an entry to spew the joys of some sort of music that I believe you, being my faithful and loyal reader base, should have some kind of knowledge of. This is why I have created the beautiful little end-post lyrical doo-dad where I pick a small lyrical excerpt of a song I’m listening to and, if the sentence or fragment appeals to you, then you can take your little mousey-wousey and hover over that text to learn about the Band - Song Title of the text! Fascinating little development, I thought. This new-ish uber feature of Polycat.net aside, I must lay down a mandate-esque command for you to listen to Iron & Wine and Calexico. These bands (along with their collaboration project) can currently be heard playing in my ever-so-warm and dimly lit room at damn near any moment ’round the clock. The loving tunes of these musical miscreants makes me happy in my bathing suit area. Yes — it’s just that good.

I’d also like to take this moment to point you fine folk to the recent site improvements which have taken place under your ever-watchful eye. Firstly, I added a purdy little randomly displayed piece of text (drawn from a text file of magic and wonder which is ever-so-frequently updated) to the upper-left corner of the site header. I thought it added that extra bit of flair which I ever-so-desperately needed for the good of all things Polycat-related. I also gave into some sort of consumer whore-ishness and submitted this site to all sorts of blog-o-matic mechanisms as to increase my reader base. So if, per some freak incident, the site faces a sudden invasion of wild bandits and gypsies, this may be the reason. You can see some of the added blog-o-matician links in the bottom component of the right sidebar.

And for a complete three-sixty whirlwind change in topics, I’d like to say a couple things about me. You see, every entry is really just a thin façade to cover the fact that it’s all about me, me, me. If you’re reading these updates as anything but a tribute to my megalomania then I’d say we have a problem worth discussing over coffee.

Anyway, about me. For whatever reason, people think that I’m a very outgoing person, and if I display some kind of aversion to speaking, then it’s my making some kind of negative statement on my surrounding. Generally, and I say this in such a way that you can write it down on a stone tablet and take it as law, if I show some kind of aversion to speaking, it’s because I’m shy or because I had just gotten out of bed moments ago and have not yet ingested caffeine in any form whatsoever. Generally, though, you cannot take my fear of speaking in public places as some kind of personal shot against your character. Believe me — if I have something to say, I generally say it (unless it fails the test for Is This Upcoming Statement Too Mean, in which case I refrain if it involves people who have not mortally wronged me in some past occurrence). This is really just a roundabout way of my declaring my interest in a girl who won’t ever read this… And even if she did, would probably have no idea that it’s referring to her.

It’s a shame that we have such an overabundance of the use of superpatheticintrovert as an adjective, because it’s really times like these where its use loses much of its originally-intended meaning.

That last sentence functions as a perfect epilogue to a beautiful personal piece entitled My Life As a Bachelor as well as a brilliant transition into the site that, essentially, wrote the sentence in the first place: What Would Tyler Durden Do? is a site about all the glitz and glamour to be found in Hollywood that covers the — ahem — news with such an entertaining style that it’s not only worth reading, it’s worth reading. I would also now like to throw out a quick plug to other deserving reads: Explosm, A Softer World, Some Prepared Remarks, and the ever-popular Polycat.net. I’m so subtle that it hurts. Really.